We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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