I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
