what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
