i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
