remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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