It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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