it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize