hell yes lets make some ravioli
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
