I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
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