This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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