Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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