tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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