Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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