My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
