brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
and you fell through a lawn chair
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