After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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