For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
