those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
