I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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