No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
