I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
