I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
