i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
