They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
