the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
handjob tips. give me some.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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