Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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