so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
