Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
His nipple licking is glorious
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