I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
is wine microwaveable?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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