so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize