Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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