thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
