i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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