Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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