did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my sisters under your porch take her home
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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