I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
