Someone shit on the floor
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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