I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
