you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
