I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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