I think my fart just growled at me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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