nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
