After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize