You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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