Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
