I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
