For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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