I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
