Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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