i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
