Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
