Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There r osticjed everywhere
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
