Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
