Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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