Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
