i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
