My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
