She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
