You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize