Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Don't make out with my wife yet
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
