Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
this just has baby written all over it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
