Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
