we're blogging at a bar
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
