she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
