There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
