Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize