Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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