i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
