1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
