a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
