Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
