she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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