I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
