i think i have herpe
just one?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
