So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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