Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
whose parrot is this?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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