It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
