I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
