I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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