Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
this will be a night to untag.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
