Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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