Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
