it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
