The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
