why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
