he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
