Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
