I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
