I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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