i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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