i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
