it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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