yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
