He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
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Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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