Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
