Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
