Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Swine flu is the new snow day.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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