You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
