I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
