I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
