last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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