i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
