apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he was CRYING into my vagina
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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