why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
