You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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